"What are you thinking?" It is a question that I had been asking myself all day. Physical exhaustion and stress had been crystalizing into a core of doubt that by now itched to nag me at any little thing that went wrong.
And then there was the crazy-intense car ride from the airport in Guilin to my destination in Yangshuo. Three weeks into China, I now realize that driver was actually fairly tame in comparison to all the other drivers in China, but on that night it all seemed so wild. My driver was passing cars everywhere--narrow roads, curves, middle of town intersections--and beeping and flashing his brights furiously at everyone who wasn't going at least double the speed limit. Was I riding with a madman? Where was this madman taking me?! All day my eyes had been heavy from the intensifying sleep deprivation, but now at 11:00pm they were awake and alert... and my mind couldn't decide if this was exciting or scary. Okay, it was exciting!
When I arrived at my hostel, the adrenaline drained instantly and I crashed on my bed. A whirpool of emotions converged on me in the brief moments before sleep... I was elated to have arrived--to have at last at least reached my destination. But the doubts continued to pester me... was this agency legit? How am I going to use the Chinese toilet?! The heat... the humidity pressing with so much weight... how would I survive the night... And then I was asleep and at peace before I could even finish the thought...
Sometimes when you first wake from sleeping, you forget where you are. Do you know the sensation? You don't know which direction you are facing... Or which room of the house you are in... Or which city you are in. I awoke that morning amidst an ambience that was unfamiliar but reassuring. Chickens cackled outside. I heard honking. I heard someone washing a shoe in a stream of flowing water and banging the shoes on a rock to dry. I was in China! And my eyes were greeted with perhaps the most spectacular wake-up call I had ever encountered... the view from my window of a sun peeking over and around the magestic hills of Yangshuo. As the sun climbed, the colors changed moment-by-moment; I rushed to take a picture.
This image is forever painted in my mind... not only because it's beauty is impossible to forget but also because it reminded me of the lesson about attitude and its pitfalls. You see, I hadn't seen the hills the night before because I was blinded in the darkness of night and the darkness of misery. It was as if the darkness of night had conspired with my bloating negativity to hide everything that was wonderful about China. The wonders of China were right outside my window, and I did not even see them! This view alone restored all my passion... all my confidence... all my energy and motivation. I was ready for the day... ready for the week... ready for the year!
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