Turkey Talk

short apology and excuse-making: I haven't updated the blog in a long time. Yeah, I know. Well, it's been about a month since I've had 5 consecutive days of continuous Internet action. I lose access constantly. Typically, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to use the Internet. Then the Internet begins to putter out sometime after 8:00 am. Between 8-12, the connection has mood swings where sites alternate between various states of functionability. I assume the Internet continues its temper tantrums throughout the afternoon, but I can't be sure since these are the hours when I teach. The Internet works well enough for simple surfing after 7, but doesn't become solid enough to stand on until after midnight or 1am. Well, I am fast asleep by then... so very little gets done.now... and then there are those 1-2 days spurts when the Internet fails to work altogether. My apartment is lined with bubble wrap for those days. Ahem, well, let's get to the point. This blog is one of the casualties of my reliably unreliable Internet access.

TURKEY TALK

I have told you all about my students. I've ranted; I've praised. I have shown you pictures. But you don't know them.... let me bring you closer to their minds... let me show you a sample of their imaginations.

I teach oral English. My goal is to have the students producing and practicing natural English conversations each class. Dialogues provide an ideal vehicle to drive this objective home. To make dialogues work, I just have to assign interesting circumstances in which the dialogues can occur... then paper-n-pen become gold...

So the week of Thanksgiving, I explained the holiday... showed pictures... delivered the students into the mood as much as possible. Then I assigned them to work in groups to imagine and compose a dialogue for the following scenario:

"Imagine that your family celebrates Thanksgiving, and your mother is about to cook the turkey. She discovers, however, that the turkey is still alive. And even more surprising, she finds that the turkey can also speak! What does the turkey say to your mother? And what does your mother say to the turkey? What do they talk about?"

I gave them a few examples from my own imagination (a little W.C./bathroom humor... got major laughs... yes!). So they were ripe and inspired to write their own interesting, humorous dialogues. Speaking broadly, I got three kinds of dialogues:
(A) the duplicates: some dialogues merely copied my sample dialogues in theme and even in some cases in every detail... real creativity [end/sarcasm]
(B) the snoozers: some dialogues were in fact new and original--at least in terms of the fact that they didn't copy mine. But they were very uninspired.... "Hello." "Good afternoon. Nice to meet you." "Let's be friends." "Okay" "Goodbye." Yes, I'm sure this is exactly what the mother and the turkey would say. [end/sarcasm] Thankfully, this type of dialogue was rare.
(C) the gold: and then most dialogues were gold. They were original (+) They were clever (+) They used vocabulary from the book (+) And some were generally funny, especially when acted out in front of the class (+++++++++++++++++) I can't share all of these dialogues, so below I have replicated some of the most wildly fascinating dialogues of the collection. Enjoy!

All dialogues are recreated exactly as they appear on the paper... no editing... except that I have given them my own title... and except that I may, in my attempt to type this up quickly, have hit the keys wrong. Don't assume the mistakes are all my students'.

A TURKEY CAN BE FLY
Turkey: Yo, what's up
Mother: Yo, what's up
Turkey: Yo, homie boy, what are you doing now?
Mother: I want to kill you for my dinner.
Turkey: Oh: my god. I'm a Young turkey and only god can judge me, man!
Mother: Oh, You can speak English, crazy turkey, to me surprise, amazing man!
Turkey: No, no, You know what I'm say. I don't want to get to sky. I love earth, I love you and your parents, I love everyone.
Mother: Oh, I have no idea. Okay shut up man, I'll still kill you. Bye~
Turkey: No....

BIRD-BRAIN INSPIRATION

Turkey: Hello, nice to meet you.
Mother: Hello, nice to meet you, too. To my surprised that you can speak.
Turkey: No surprising. Don't you know, "Nothing is impossible"?
Mother: Oh, I know. But why are you talking to me?
Turkey: Today is Thanksgiving Day. So I have to meet you.
Mother: But you will be killed by me. Are you afraid?
Turkey: It doesn't matter. As a turkey, this is my duty.
Mother: You're too great.
Turkey: You took care of me, so I should thank you.
Mother: Is it fair?
Turkey: What's?
Mother: I eat you.
Turkey: I think that is fair, because all for one, one for all.
Mother: Oh. Everyone should be thankful.
Turkey: This is our time to rise above.


THE SPECIAL MARTIAN PRESIDENTIAL BODYGUARD TURKEY
Turkey: Hello
Mother: Oh---- My Goddess! You can speak? Oh... Oh. No... no... Maybe I am in my dream. It's so crazy!
Turkey: No---no, Listen! I can speak because I am from Mars. I'm a special turkey which belongs to Bush!
Mother: All right. You must tell a joke. Hey! Now, I must kill and cook you. I have no time to talk with you. the dinner is begaining.
Turkey: Oh. help me! My God. You can't eat me. Look. I am so small and thin the arms and legs. And before you kill me, can I call my mother. I want to tell her there is a bomb in Bush's room.

THE DAOIST ESCAPE ARTIST
Turkey: Hello, Mrs. Peterson.
Mother: Oh my god! You amazed me!
Turkey: Perhaps you should thanks to me!
Mother: Why?
Turkey: Because I will give you a big egg.
Mother: Let me offer you a bowl you can put the egg into it.
Turkey: You are foolish. In Chinese, if a turkey's ying and yang are belance, it will have a egg but my ying is too much but yang is little. So I think I should get on the top of house to collect much yang.
Mother: You are smart. Please come back right away. I will wait you.
Turkey: Bye Bye. See you in a minute. [then the turkey flies away]

PRACTICALLY BEGGING FOR THE KNIFE
Turkey: Hello, Beautiful lady.
Mother: Really? Yeah. I think I'm the most beautiful lady in the world.
Turkey: But you're a little fat!
Mother: Oh? Can you help me to be thinner?
Turkey: Let's me think.... Oh. You shouldn't eat meet such as me!
Mother: Thank you. I am grateful to you

LIGHT A FIRE UNDER YOUR ASS, GOD!
Turkey: May I speak to God?
Mother: Oh. You say what? Please say again.
Turkey: May I speak to god.... god.... god? Hurry up
Mother: Don't hurry.
Turkey: help... help?
Mother: It's no time ! ! !

MARINATED IN POP CULTURE
Turkey: Do you think I am cool?
Mother: oh my God. You can speak!?
Turkey: Yes, I can sing as well.
Mother: Really? Sing a song please.
Turkey: ok. How about "Tomorrow will be better."
Mother: bad. You have no tomorrow
Turkey: Why?
Mother: I will kill you and cook you.
Turkey: Okay. If you want to cook me, I have no idea. But I want to watch a NBA match.
Mother: You also love NBA? Do you know Kobe? He is a gereat basketball player in my heart.
Turkey: Yes, I love him as well.
Mother: oh you are my God. Let watch it!

TURKEYS TAKE EXAMS TOO, YA KNOW
Turkey: Hell beautiful lady!
Mother: Oh my dear! You can speak English.
Turkey: Because my English Grade is very good.
Mother: Stop! Stop I am hurry and I am killing you now.
Turkey: No No. Don't hurry, look there isa UFO in the sky
Mother: Oh, really. Where, where is UFO?
Turkey: Opening the window quickly and follow me.
Mother: Let's go, let's go
Turkey: Good-by

A TURKEY FROM THE KLAN (you can't make this kinda stuff up!)
Turkey: Hello~! I'm Miss Turkey. How are you?
Mother: Oh, shit! Are you a ghost? A turkey can speak?!!
Turkey: I'm not a ghost, just a Turkey. Also, I'm a girl turkey. I'm from Houston......
Mother: Shut up! Now, I'll cook you.
Turkey: No, no, no! Please wait a moment! Please! Now, I'll warn you that my boyfriend is strong. He's the leader of the "KKK". I think if you hurt me, you won't see tomorrow sun shine!
Mother: Now can you tell what should I do now? (cry..... scary....)
Turkey: Now, I'm hungry. I want to eat. Then please send me to my boy friend's house. I'll thankful for you. Happy thanks-giving day!
Mother: Oh, I see. Thanks, the same to you.

THE MODEL TURKEY
Turkey: Wait! Wait! Wait!
Mother: Oh, what you are you going to do?
Turkey: Would you mind my writing to my wife for the last time?
Mother: What? YOu have found your Mrs-right?
Turkey: Of course! We got married two years ago. We even have a child.
Mother: I'm very sad to hear that because you will never see them again.
Turkey: No! I have a mother who will have her 80th birthday tomorrow. ANd my second child was born yesterday. They need me.
Mother: You are really a model husband.
Turkey: Yes. So would you mind resting me?
Mother: Mmmmmm... I want to let you go but we will be hungry if I do that. So I come up with a good idea. that I will cook your family members, you will be together in front of the god.

EVEN TURKEYS WANT YOUR QQ NUMBER
Turkey: Hi, Beauty!
Mother: Oh, my God! What will you do?
Turkey: Don't be afraid. I want to surf the Internet. Do you have a computer?
Mother: Yes, but it was broken. If you want to do it, you can go to the Internet bar.
Turkey: But I have no money.
Mother: Don't worry! I have enough money.
Turkey: Mn--. Can you go with me and lend some money to me?
Mother: Of course. But I have to cook.
Turkey: Oh, that's terrible. I have to go alone. Please tell me your QQ number. If I earn some money, I'll return money to you.
Mother: Bye! Have a good trip!

(you kinda have to live in China to understand why a turkey asking for the QQ number is funny)

"UGLY" IS A CAPITAL CRIME

Turkey: Holle. Nice to meet you! Happy Thanksgiving.
Mother: Oh, my god! Why you have speak skill?
Turkey: Because I want to tell you that I don't want to die.
Mother: Sorry. I can't. Because you are too ugly.

Turkey: Oh. There is no wrong for me to be so ugly.

Mother: But it's wrong for you to go out and frigent people.

SARS FOR EVERYONE

Turkey: Hello. Mrs. Peterson. Do you want to kill me?

Mother: Who is asking me?
Turkey: I'm here.
Mother: Oh. You can speak!
Turkey: Yeah, just so-so. Can you answer my question?
Mother: Yes. I want to eat you.
Turkey: Oh no. I'm very thin and I'm not a good delicious food. You can eat the big big. This is delicious food.
Mother: That sounds good, but my sister want to eat you.
Turkey: Oh no. I have a SARS.
Mother: Really? That sound sad. But I also have a SARS.

TURKEY PRIDE
Mother: I want to eat you!
Turkey: I don't think you are right. I'm very kind. Please don't kill me.
Mother: What do you think. Lay eggs is very tired?
Turkey: I think lay eggs is very prond. I love laying eggs!!!

KARMA CATHES UP TO A SHADY PAST

Turkey: Are you very busy now?
Mother: Oh yes, because I'll eat you right away.
Turkey: Why aren't you surprised that I'm talking?

Mother: Not surprised enough. The fact thing is that you must be killed by me.
Turkey: Can you give me the life again. I will thank you forever. I know I was wrong ago. I couldn't thank for anyone, but I'm very sorry to do these things....... and can you give me a chance!
Mother: Why the people or the animals do something after and know it is wrong... but the chance is once. you can't get it again. The [illegible word] is fair for everyone. So you must be killed and don't say anything.

I hope you have enjoyed these dialogues as much as I have. We have only just peeked into the minds of these kids here, and as for me, I like what I see! Their English is pretty good. And their imagination and creativity is even better. It's easy mining... the gold is just below the surface!