Crazy English

The Great English Awakening:

Pupils in the Hands of a Crazy Demigod

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One thing happened in March 2009: Li Yang came to HuaiYa Senior Middle School. This is the story.

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Part 1: night of the living dead

It was a routine Sunday evening. I was just drifting into boredom when I got a text message from a student informing me that the famous Li Yang was coming to HuaiYa ZhongXue. Do you know who Li Yang is? Probably not. But in China he is a celebrity of fanatic popularity. He's not an actor. Not a singer. Not a basketball star. Not an Olympic gold medalist. Who is Li Yang? He is an English teacher!

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Our minds are controlled by our environments. Must be. Since being in China, I have heard again and again of Li Yang, the guy who learned English so well and so quickly and who promises the same to all students if they just follow his "crazy" methods... I have heard of Li Yang from students... from people I meet on the train... from men on the street who ask if my English is better than Li Yang's. This guy must be an English-speaking, English-teaching superhero! Well, in 8 months all this fanfare has gotten to my head. And so at that moment reading the text message informing me of Li Yang's arrival, even I felt the wooziness of disbelieving excitement at the notion of seeing and potentially meeting the famous Li Yang.

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At first, I truly didn't believe it. I thought the student had sent a joke text. Why was Li Yang coming to HuaiYa Senior Middle School? The school is in a small town. Why? Was he really coming? Come on...

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But then the calls started. Students calling my cell phone. Students knocking at my door. Students who were normally zombies at this time of the night were ALIVE... and coming to eat my brain. They wanted me to give them ideas... ideas of how to get Li Yang's attention. They wanted me to tell them jokes, stories, words of wisdom, etc. with which they could charm Li Yang. They wanted to practice speaking with me.

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Part II: a new dawn

I awoke to the excitement of thousands of students speaking English across campus. There was a sense of enthusiasm... and in some a sense of desperation. Must impress Li Yang.

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I had numerous appointments, one after another. Practice speaking with this student. Help this student make a giant flag to hoist into Li Yang's line of sight. Then some teachers saw me and asked me to visit their classes and offer words of encouragement and advice. So there I was talking to class after class of students I had never met before. Busy morning!

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If I wasn't excited before (but I was!), I was definitely excited now. Hype hung in the air, and I was breathing it in too. Mob mind: seeing 3,000 people going crazy, how could I not go crazy? Plus, I must say, it was very invigorating just to see the optimism... and hopeful to think how this optimism for English might make teaching it easier in the weeks to come. So, yeah, I was giddy too.

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Part III: the Great Awakening

Li Yang came... late, as expected. He talked... 95% in Chinese... so I didn't understand what he said. The 1% of what he said in Chinese that I managed to understand just so happened to be the words of mockery he used to refer to me.... "old foreigner," "ghost/devil foreigner," "dog." But don't worry, he mocked others too. He told the headmaster/principal that he looked like an old woman. He told one of the English teachers that he looked like Deng Xiaoping (a dig at his short height). He made fun of Obama. He made fun of Hu Jintao. It was something of a roast. Nothing to get uptight about.... I suppose....

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In general, his agenda was to inspire and encourage. He aimed to eradicate laziness, apathy, bad attitudes, defeatism, inferiority, shame, etc. Thumbs up! He also shared some of his methods of learning English. Li Yang, some of the other English teachers, and I each took turns leading the students in shouting English sentences. This is the crazy English method. It's also the part of the performance that I found most lacking in substance. Oh well, the encouragement was worth it. Here are some pics and captions.

my little 'tete-a-tete' with Li Yang

One of the marketing gimmicks of "Crazy English"... add a touch of nationalism, and you'll rope the patriot extremists into the market. You may also provoke global division, but hey!... at least you're selling books!

The above picture shows just one example of nationalism--a relatively harmless example at that. Unfortunatley, nationalism is written into the fabric of "Crazy English." It was everywhere. In fact, after greeting me and telling me how much Li Yang loves America (in English), he then proceeded to boast to the crowd (in Chinese) his love for the Americans who will soon be begging to learn Chinese. At that point, I guess he'll be a celebrity in America teaching us all "Crazy Chinese."

Cult of Personality

...and little red books

Shiny, Happy People Speaking English

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands

At some point, the Li Yang performance got personal. Suddenly students everywhere were crying uncontrolably. And they were being invited up to the stage not to practice speaking English but instead to share some moving story in Chinese and then to sob their eyes out. I'm not sure what was being said, but it seemed they were professing their love for their parents and their appreciation for all the hard work that their parents have done. Not a dry eye on the field...

After this, Li Yang turned up the stereo to the tune of some easy listening music. He then asked all the students to hold hands with other students and listen carefully to his words (spoken in Chinese). So then the hand holding began. Illustrated directly above. Also illustrated directly below.

unity conquers the world

Part IV: the feast

After the English Revival, the important people scampered off to an isolated location. As the resident foreigner who happens to speak English, I am in that circle of people, I guess. Fist, the photo opportunities. Then Li Yang sat down with the English department to recommend methods of instruction. Spoken all in Chinese, I have no idea what they said but I assume it was a suggestion for the students to practice speaking more in and out of class. Thumbs up! Li Yang was very thorough and careful in his suggestions. He gave alot of his time at this point. This shows a sense of his genuine interest and care in the mission.

Li Yang teaches teachers how to teach... and I just hear... it's called "tingbudong along with the conversation"

It is also worth noting that at this point, there were no more references to me being a "foreigner ghost" or a "dog" or anything like that. It was all professional from this point on. Who is the real Li Yang? Who should Li Yang be? It's something of a dilemma I think... sell mockery and nationalsim in order to sell books and sell the important mission? Or be professional... and boring... and accomplish much less? What would you do?

After this, ... er, I mean after yet another round of photo opportunities and autograph appeals... they formed an even smaller circle of VIP and yet I was still in the circle. So we enjoyed a big feast. Li Yang was again very kind, courteous, serious, and genuine to me. The food was over-the-top, and we just barely begun to satisfy our stomachs when Li Yang announced his need to end the night here. At this time it was about 9:00pm. He had been with us since about 3:00. That's quite generous!

In the final meetings, Li Yang had been very friendly to me. He praised me highly to the leaders of the school. And he offered me his name card and his business phone number and an invitation to work at his Crazy English Camp this summer.

Part V: after the fire, the fire still burns....

I'm writing now from the perspective of a few weeks removed from the event. I have teetered back and forth in my assessment of the event. Initially I was very excited, pleased, and grateful for what Li Yang had done. After stewing the night and morning, however, I let my sensitivity to the mockery sour my opinion considerably. I found it difficult to justify. And I became decidedly opposed to Li Yang when my students began to call me "guizi"... "foreigner ghost"... I also thought he didn't offer students enough good methods, particulary students with advanced vocabulary. What should they do?

After talking with students (who all assured me the mockery is harmless) and after watching how students continue to practice English, I have jumped back into the camp of appreciating what Li Yang has done. To this day, students still carry around their little red Li Yang books. They are reading Li Yang's other books. They recite his quotes with passion. And this very afternoon we are having an English Week Party where the students will sing songs, tell stories, tell jokes, act out plays, etc. in front of all their student body. I can imagine that their courage to do this was inspired in part by Li Yang's words.

I have also benefitted from the experience. I have found the Li Yang crazy speaking method to be energizing and fun. It is a new tool to use with students with less motivation, poor vocabulary, shyness, or laziness to participate. Also, I have noticed more students from classes that I don't teach approaching me with the confidence to speak. They say I appeared friendly and inviting when I was speaking at the Li Yang gig. So that's really cool. Finally, I have been asked by the school leaders to lead crazy English sessions in the evenings in front of ALL the students of grade 1 and grade 2. This keeps the spirit alive, makes me feel powerful, and endears me to the praise of the leaders. Win-win-win!

Clearly I have a mixed opinion of Li Yang and Crazy English. Overall, however, I approve and appreciate.

Classroom Management: A Case Study

Yesterday, I was just 5 minutes into class and 2 seconds away from getting into the heart of the lesson when out of nowhere came the sound of glass breaking and a wave of gasps. A student had bumped his elbow into his ink well, sending his brimful bottle and its dark-staining contents all over the floor. There it was, an ink blot asking me the big question: what the heck should you do now? Stop the lesson and clean it, ignore it and go on, a little of both? What to do? What would YOU do in a situation like this?

I decided the mess had to be cleaned up immediately or it would stain. If one student cleaned, all the students would be watching him, so we might as well make it a class effort to clean it up as quickly as possible. But the questions continued. How do you clean that much ink all over the floor? How do you even clean ink? And where would we get the water? To my knowledge, the nearest place to get water was across campus? What would YOU do in a situation like this?

Life works in mysterious ways. We needed water. Well we got water. Not more than 10 seconds after the ink incident and the initial attempt to clean it all up began, I heard an explosion on the right side of the classroom and high-pitched screaming. At first it honestly looked like the kids were being electrocuted by some powerful white current coming from the wall. My heart nearly vaporized at the sight of them being struck by this thing and the sound of their shrill screams. Fortunately... oh thank God... it was just a high pressure stream of water. Somehow, the water surging through the radiator blew off a gasket and then came out spraying the students in its line of fire. What to do? Continue teaching? lol

The students rushed to plug the hole in the radiator, but it was a lot of water and the pressure was very high. The room was flooding quickly. Finally, some students managed to slow the force of the water coming out by stuffing their jackets and shirts into the hole. Still water was coming out and quickly spreading across the classroom. Yo, Jack and Rose, the Titanic is going down!

To understand this situation fully, you need to realize how cramped these classrooms are. 80 students and 80 desks in rooms no bigger than American classrooms. It's a sardine tin in there. Somehow, we had to get all the students to work together to either help mop up or just plain move out of the way. As if by magic, they found their niches. In five minutes the situation was at least stable. The water was no longer gushing out..merely seeping out through the shirts. Some students were managing the flow of water with buckets. Some students were mop/drying the floor. Some students were drying out the mops. Some students were trying to get the 'janitor.' Some students--the majority--just sat at their desks and did homework, studied, or chatted. A quarter of the students worked feverishly while the other 3/4ths sat back and let them. Should I have tried to teach half the classroom? What would YOU do in a situation like this? I figured, this period is surrendered!

By the way, some janitor this place has. The guy came after a long time, inspected, laughed a little giggle, left, and came back later to fix the problem later. I've told you before. There really is no such thing as a janitor of the American high school standard in China. Everything is on the students, and this situation was no different.

By the end of the class, the situation was much better. The water flow was under control by swift bucket action, and the floor was looking cleaner and cleaner. And remember that lake of black ink all over the floor? GONE! Absolutely a job well done!

So, what did I contribute? Not a whole heck of a lot honestly. I kinda felt guilty about it. I didn't know who, where, or how to speak to ask for help. The students were cleaning and wouldn't have dared let me help them. I couldn't teach. So I just stood there and watched. Oh yeah... I kept the kids semi-quiet and calm... but my efforts were essentially nullified by the classroom monitor who shushed the students with that famously loud, mock-angry, mock-fatherly shouting that all class monitors in China are famous for having and using whenever the chance presents itself. So yeah, I didn't make much of a difference. The situation was handled smoothly and effectively no thanks to me. These kids are great...

By the way, if this situation had happened in class 6, I fear we would all be at the bottom of the HuaiYa Sea. Seriously!

Oh yeah, and by the way, apparently these radiators explode like this all the time. Happened in the English office. Happened in Class 12 a couple months ago. And happened yesterday in Class 1. How's that for a little excitement in the day?

March Madness

Where have I been for the last month?! No, it's not writer's block. It's called China block! For whatever reason, on March 1st I lost access to all Google-brand blogger blogs including my own. I was blocked. And my "internet behavior" was being monitored. Then today, March 24... for whatever reason... the forces that be decided I'm not a threat. So I'm back! And I pretty excited about it!!!

So I've been watched for a month, but I don't get a creepy feeling about having been spied on. Instead, I hope (if my internet behavior really was being monitored by humans) that:
-They have enjoyed my sense of humor... who else can lead them to hilarious Sarah Palin jokes, videos of puppets making prank phone calls, and video clips of Dan Quayle being an intellectual lightweight;
-They don't think I'm a lazy slob just because I have over 3,000 unopened emails in my inbox... I just have a 5 year running tradition of not opening spam... and not deleting it either!;
-They appreciate the level of random detail that I provide in my facebook status updates;
-They have acquired my fascination with 1980s nostalgia
-They didn't get irked by my internet habit of refreshing Yahoo! news to see if there is any new news
-They have updated themselves on important news items from the US, Asia, South America, Africa, and the bizarro world
-They share my interest in learning about economics, alternative energy, medical breakthroughs, chimpanzee social behavior,....
-They are excited by all the upcoming video game release dates that I have made them aware of -They have memorized the lyrics to all the 80s songs I looked up to sing along with on youtube

In the end, I think it must have been my mind-numbingly boring journeys through the streets of Belvidere, Rockford, Chicago, DeKalb, Myrtle Beach, Surfside Beach, and New York City on Google Earth-Street View that must have driven them to the brink of exhaustion of watching my internet behavior... and to the conclusion that my internet behavior is any other adjective but dangerous! :-)

And so now I and my IP address are back in the world of blogging!


UPDATE (3/25): On the very same day I regained access to my blog, thegovernmentofthecountryinwhichIcurrentlylive (tGotCiwICL) blocked Youtube. At first I thought it was just a random Youtube problem. These little Youtube accessibility hiccups happen all the time, including in the U.S. But when minutes turned into hours turned into a day, I suspected Papa Panda might be responsible. Great, I traded access to my blog for access to Youtube. And to honest, Youtube is actually more important because I use it for lessons... yeah, yeah... and as the most entertaining time suck of my life.

Anyways, I just finished reading an article on Yahoo! News that confirms that Youtube has been blocked by tGotCiwICL. Why? Apparently some video of tGotCiwICL police forces beating to death a protester from a certain hotbed province of tGotCiwICL. The English name of this particular province begins with the letter T, ends with the letter T, and rhymes with "the bet." You do know the place I'm talking about, don't you? Well anyways, tGotCiwICL says the video is faked. And in light of the shoddy reporting and yellow journalism of CNN and BBC from last year, I say there's a darn good chance it is faked. Come on, it was posted by some random guy on Youtube!!! But Papa Panda doesn't want anyone to have a look to see for himself. Which means I can't say either way. And it also means I can't get videos to make good set inductions for my classes. And it also means I can't spend my weeknights reliving the 1980s.

... for now....