A Chinese Christmas in America

I'll be home for Christmas
if only in our tree

So here we have a strange blog entry... this is not my place... not my pictures... not my story. But there's an essential connection.

Back at home in America Illinois Boone Belvidere (this is how I name places now), my family is celebrating Christmas--our most cherished holiday together--without me. But don't cry. They have found a way to invite me to the celebration at least in spirit... they have decorated the Christmas tree with all things Chinese. A wide variety of Chinese culture is on display here. The ornaments and decorations symbolize China.... but in some cases they symbolize specific culture from Shaanxi and HuaiYa where I live. Have a look look...


The Christmas tree. In a glance, it looks very beautiful... very peaceful. Just like China!
The tree top.
Now those things... those twigs with red balls... whatever they are. What about China do they symbolize? By fateful coincidence, they look EXACTLY like a local Shaanxi food that is sold by nearly every other street vendor here. It's difficult to describe these things... it is a stick with 5 or 6 pieces of some kind of carmelized grape-like fruit on it. It's sweet and crunchy. So the top of the tree looks like the HuaiYa candy-man's wagon! Haha! So funny! Shaanxi people, you know what I'm talking about!


A combinations of ornaments and lights.
A panda ornament. Did you know there are wild pandas living in the Qinling Mountains directly to the South of me? I live in the reclusive company of these treasured, endangered creatures.

A bell ornament. Bells are a significant part of the traditional Chinese culture. But there are no more bells any more, unfortunately. Now we are summoned to class by circus music.

At the top of the bell ornament there is an enraged Buddha. What is He screaming about? Perhaps he doesn't want to be part of a Christian celebration? No... the Shakyamuni Buddha was a tolerant fellow. I'm sure he's only screaming because he can't meditate properly when dad listens to the Rory Gallagher music so loudly...

A Pagoda ornament. You know, I live near some of the most important pagodas in China. Pagodas where Buddhist sutras were translated from Indian Sanskrit to Chinese... pagodas that hold bone fragments from the original Buddha himself. As pagodas serve as a symbol of Shaanxi/Xi'an's influential role in the spread of Buddhism in China, these pagodas on the tree are a perfect symbol of the Chinese culture that is relevant in my part of China!



Okay... now this one could be Japanese... but it also looks like it might be a Tang Dynasty elite woman. In fact, the style of the clothing more distinctly resembles the latter. If so... again... perfect. The part of Shaanxi where I live has the elite culture of the Tang Dynasty written all over its landscape. And some very important women in Chinese history lived and died in my neck of the woods. Of all the women in Chinese history, two of the most famous are Yang Guifei and Wu Zetian. Both beautifies with treacherous histories (Yang Guifei is one of the 4 great beauties of China and Wu Zetian is the one and only female emperor of China). Yang Guifei was murdered not to far from me and her tomb is close as well. Wu Zetian's tomb is also not too far. So this woman here on the tree is spot-on not only as a symbol of China but as a symbol of where I live. I call her Yang Guifei.


A dragon... a comical dragon. And isn't my Chinese name ziLONG?






MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 祝你圣诞节快乐!

Turkey Talk

short apology and excuse-making: I haven't updated the blog in a long time. Yeah, I know. Well, it's been about a month since I've had 5 consecutive days of continuous Internet action. I lose access constantly. Typically, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to use the Internet. Then the Internet begins to putter out sometime after 8:00 am. Between 8-12, the connection has mood swings where sites alternate between various states of functionability. I assume the Internet continues its temper tantrums throughout the afternoon, but I can't be sure since these are the hours when I teach. The Internet works well enough for simple surfing after 7, but doesn't become solid enough to stand on until after midnight or 1am. Well, I am fast asleep by then... so very little gets done.now... and then there are those 1-2 days spurts when the Internet fails to work altogether. My apartment is lined with bubble wrap for those days. Ahem, well, let's get to the point. This blog is one of the casualties of my reliably unreliable Internet access.


TURKEY TALK

I have told you all about my students. I've ranted; I've praised. I have shown you pictures. But you don't know them.... let me bring you closer to their minds... let me show you a sample of their imaginations.

I teach oral English. My goal is to have the students producing and practicing natural English conversations each class. Dialogues provide an ideal vehicle to drive this objective home. To make dialogues work, I just have to assign interesting circumstances in which the dialogues can occur... then paper-n-pen become gold...

So the week of Thanksgiving, I explained the holiday... showed pictures... delivered the students into the mood as much as possible. Then I assigned them to work in groups to imagine and compose a dialogue for the following scenario:

"Imagine that your family celebrates Thanksgiving, and your mother is about to cook the turkey. She discovers, however, that the turkey is still alive. And even more surprising, she finds that the turkey can also speak! What does the turkey say to your mother? And what does your mother say to the turkey? What do they talk about?"

I gave them a few examples from my own imagination (a little W.C./bathroom humor... got major laughs... yes!). So they were ripe and inspired to write their own interesting, humorous dialogues. Speaking broadly, I got three kinds of dialogues:
(A) the duplicates: some dialogues merely copied my sample dialogues in theme and even in some cases in every detail... real creativity [end/sarcasm]
(B) the snoozers: some dialogues were in fact new and original--at least in terms of the fact that they didn't copy mine. But they were very uninspired.... "Hello." "Good afternoon. Nice to meet you." "Let's be friends." "Okay" "Goodbye." Yes, I'm sure this is exactly what the mother and the turkey would say. [end/sarcasm] Thankfully, this type of dialogue was rare.
(C) the gold: and then most dialogues were gold. They were original (+) They were clever (+) They used vocabulary from the book (+) And some were generally funny, especially when acted out in front of the class (+++++++++++++++++) I can't share all of these dialogues, so below I have replicated some of the most wildly fascinating dialogues of the collection. Enjoy!

All dialogues are recreated exactly as they appear on the paper... no editing... except that I have given them my own title... and except that I may, in my attempt to type this up quickly, have hit the keys wrong. Don't assume the mistakes are all my students'.

A TURKEY CAN BE FLY
Turkey: Yo, what's up
Mother: Yo, what's up
Turkey: Yo, homie boy, what are you doing now?
Mother: I want to kill you for my dinner.
Turkey: Oh: my god. I'm a Young turkey and only god can judge me, man!
Mother: Oh, You can speak English, crazy turkey, to me surprise, amazing man!
Turkey: No, no, You know what I'm say. I don't want to get to sky. I love earth, I love you and your parents, I love everyone.
Mother: Oh, I have no idea. Okay shut up man, I'll still kill you. Bye~
Turkey: No....

BIRD-BRAIN INSPIRATION

Turkey: Hello, nice to meet you.
Mother: Hello, nice to meet you, too. To my surprised that you can speak.
Turkey: No surprising. Don't you know, "Nothing is impossible"?

Mother: Oh, I know. But why are you talking to me?
Turkey: Today is Thanksgiving Day. So I have to meet you.
Mother: But you will be killed by me. Are you afraid?
Turkey: It doesn't matter. As a turkey, this is my duty.
Mother: You're too great.
Turkey: You took care of me, so I should thank you.

Mother: Is it fair?
Turkey: What's?
Mother: I eat you.
Turkey: I think that is fair, because all for one, one for all.
Mother: Oh. Everyone should be thankful.
Turkey: This is our time to rise above.


THE SPECIAL MARTIAN PRESIDENTIAL BODYGUARD TURKEY
Turkey: Hello
Mother: Oh---- My Goddess! You can speak? Oh... Oh. No... no... Maybe I am in my dream. It's so crazy!
Turkey: No---no, Listen! I can speak because I am from Mars. I'm a special turkey which belongs to Bush!
Mother: All right. You must tell a joke. Hey! Now, I must kill and cook you. I have no time to talk with you. the dinner is begaining.
Turkey: Oh. help me! My God. You can't eat me. Look. I am so small and thin the arms and legs. And before you kill me, can I call my mother. I want to tell her there is a bomb in Bush's room.

THE DAOIST ESCAPE ARTIST
Turkey: Hello, Mrs. Peterson.
Mother: Oh my god! You amazed me!
Turkey: Perhaps you should thanks to me!
Mother: Why?
Turkey: Because I will give you a big egg.
Mother: Let me offer you a bowl you can put the egg into it.
Turkey: You are foolish. In Chinese, if a turkey's ying and yang are belance, it will have a egg but my ying is too much but yang is little. So I think I should get on the top of house to collect much yang.
Mother: You are smart. Please come back right away. I will wait you.
Turkey: Bye Bye. See you in a minute. [then the turkey flies away]

PRACTICALLY BEGGING FOR THE KNIFE
Turkey: Hello, Beautiful lady.
Mother: Really? Yeah. I think I'm the most beautiful lady in the world.
Turkey: But you're a little fat!
Mother: Oh? Can you help me to be thinner?
Turkey: Let's me think.... Oh. You shouldn't eat meet such as me!
Mother: Thank you. I am grateful to you

LIGHT A FIRE UNDER YOUR ASS, GOD!
Turkey: May I speak to God?
Mother: Oh. You say what? Please say again.
Turkey: May I speak to god.... god.... god? Hurry up
Mother: Don't hurry.
Turkey: help... help?
Mother: It's no time ! ! !

MARINATED IN POP CULTURE
Turkey: Do you think I am cool?
Mother: oh my God. You can speak!?
Turkey: Yes, I can sing as well.
Mother: Really? Sing a song please.
Turkey: ok. How about "Tomorrow will be better."
Mother: bad. You have no tomorrow
Turkey: Why?
Mother: I will kill you and cook you.

Turkey: Okay. If you want to cook me, I have no idea. But I want to watch a NBA match.
Mother: You also love NBA? Do you know Kobe? He is a gereat basketball player in my heart.

Turkey: Yes, I love him as well.
Mother: oh you are my God. Let watch it!

TURKEYS TAKE EXAMS TOO, YA KNOW
Turkey: Hell beautiful lady!
Mother: Oh my dear! You can speak English.
Turkey: Because my English Grade is very good.
Mother: Stop! Stop I am hurry and I am killing you now.
Turkey: No No. Don't hurry, look there isa UFO in the sky
Mother: Oh, really. Where, where is UFO?
Turkey: Opening the window quickly and follow me.
Mother: Let's go, let's go
Turkey: Good-by

A TURKEY FROM THE KLAN (you can't make this kinda stuff up!)
Turkey: Hello~! I'm Miss Turkey. How are you?
Mother: Oh, shit! Are you a ghost? A turkey can speak?!!

Turkey: I'm not a ghost, just a Turkey. Also, I'm a girl turkey. I'm from Houston......
Mother: Shut up! Now, I'll cook you.
Turkey: No, no, no! Please wait a moment! Please! Now, I'll warn you that my boyfriend is strong. He's the leader of the "KKK". I think if you hurt me, you won't see tomorrow sun shine!
Mother: Now can you tell what should I do now? (cry..... scary....)
Turkey: Now, I'm hungry. I want to eat. Then please send me to my
boy friend's house. I'll thankful for you. Happy thanks-giving day!
Mother: Oh, I see. Thanks, the same to you.

THE MODEL TURKEY
Turkey: Wait! Wait! Wait!
Mother: Oh, what you are you going to do?
Turkey: Would you mind my writing to my wife for the last time?
Mother: What? YOu have found your Mrs-right?
Turkey: Of course! We got married two years ago. We even have a child.
Mother: I'm very sad to hear that because you will never see them again.
Turkey: No! I have a mother who will have her 80th birthday tomorrow. ANd my second child was born yesterday. They need me.
Mother: You are really a model husband.

Turkey: Yes. So would you mind resting me?
Mother: Mmmmmm... I want to let you go but we will be hungry if I do that. So I come up with a good idea. that I will cook your family members, you will be together in front of the god.

EVEN TURKEYS WANT YOUR QQ NUMBER
Turkey: Hi, Beauty!
Mother: Oh, my God! What will you do?
Turkey: Don't be afraid. I want to surf the Internet. Do you have a computer?
Mother: Yes, but it was broken. If you want to do it, you can go to the Internet bar.
Turkey: But I have no money.
Mother: Don't worry! I have enough money.

Turkey: Mn--. Can you go with me and lend some money to me?
Mother: Of course. But I have to cook.
Turkey: Oh, that's terrible. I have to go alone. Please tell me your QQ number. If I earn some money, I'll return money to you.
Mother: Bye! Have a good trip!

(you kinda have to live in China to understand why a turkey asking for the QQ number is funny)

"UGLY" IS A CAPITAL CRIME

Turkey: Holle. Nice to meet you! Happy Thanksgiving.
Mother: Oh, my god! Why you have speak skill?
Turkey: Because I want to tell you that I don't want to die.
Mother: Sorry. I can't. Because you are too ugly.

Turkey: Oh. There is no wrong for me to be so ugly.

Mother: But it's wrong for you to go out and frigent people.

SARS FOR EVERYONE

Turkey: Hello. Mrs. Peterson. Do you want to kill me?

Mother: Who is asking me?
Turkey: I'm here.
Mother: Oh. You can speak!
Turkey: Yeah, just so-so. Can you answer my question?
Mother: Yes. I want to eat you.
Turkey: Oh no. I'm very thin and I'm not a good delicious food. You can eat the big big. This is delicious food.
Mother: That sounds good, but my sister want to eat you.
Turkey: Oh no. I have a SARS.
Mother: Really? That sound sad. But I also have a SARS.

TURKEY PRIDE
Mother: I want to eat you!
Turkey: I don't think you are right. I'm very kind. Please don't kill me.
Mother: What do you think. Lay eggs is very tired?
Turkey: I think lay eggs is very prond. I love laying eggs!!!

KARMA CATHES UP TO A SHADY PAST

Turkey: Are you very busy now?
Mother: Oh yes, because I'll eat you right away.
Turkey: Why aren't you surprised that I'm talking?

Mother: Not surprised enough. The fact thing is that you must be killed by me.
Turkey: Can you give me the life again. I will thank you forever. I know I was wrong ago. I couldn't thank for anyone, but I'm very sorry to do these things....... and can you give me a chance!
Mother: Why the people or the animals do something after and know it is wrong... but the chance is once. you can't get it again. The [illegible word] is fair for everyone. So you must be killed and don't say anything.

I hope you have enjoyed these dialogues as much as I have. We have only just peeked into the minds of these kids here, and as for me, I like what I see! Their English is pretty good. And their imagination and creativity is even better. It's easy mining... the gold is just below the surface!

A Haircut in China

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more than you ever wanted to know about
A Haircut in China
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So I got a haircut last week. It could have been a really big story. Maybe they would use strange gadgets to cut the hair. Maybe they would butcher the hair. Maybe I would come out looking like a freshly-bald monk. Maybe they would slice off an ear! Maybe, at the very least, it would be uncomfortable and awkward trying to describe to the stylist how I wanted the hair to be cut.

It was none of these things. I went to the hair cutting place in HuaiYa just 1 minute from my school. Some of my students accompanied me. I told them what I wanted, and they told the hair stylist. We chatted a little in Chinese, but it was mostly silent. 10 minutes later I was a new man.
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The cut was not as short--either on top or on the back and sides--as I prefer, but I purposely kept it long for two reasons: 1) risk factor... too short and my receding hairline becomes double tarmacs that Boeing 747s could land on! and 2) long hair = extra warmth for the approaching winter. Here are the before and after photos:

BEFORE:
AFTER

I like it!


So now I'm left with nothing to say! First haircut in China... this was going to be a big ordeal... I was going to ramble on and on about it. But what more can I say about something so mundane? Well, as usual, when I have nothing to say, I can always ramble on about economics...


The Exchange Rate by the Haircut Standard

When I first decided to come to China, I had to predict my standard of living in China. What would the money I brought with be worth? And what kind of lifestyle would my monthly salary afford me? What would be my purchasing power? These are not easy calculations. My Chinese friend Bo offered a simple equation... earning 1,000 yuan in China is like earning 1,000 USD in America... spending 1,000 yuan in China is like spending 1,000 USD in America. Plugging my monthly salary into this equation, I had a rough idea of the standard of living that I would enjoy in China. But was it accurate?
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This rogue exchange rate has proved generally accurate. By Bo's model, I would be enjoying a standard of living that was more than twice that of a first year teacher. Although I am too thrifty to test the limits of my purchasing power, I do get the feeling each time I buy even the simple things that I am much richer in China than I could have ever been in America in the first 10-20 years as a teacher. My haircut will illustrate this shortly.
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Economists use more sophisticated models to conduct these calculations. The currency exchange rate is one such tool. As of this moment (11/23/2008, 7:02am), one US dollar buys 6.8 Chinese renminbi yuan. But this number alone cannot tell someone what their money will be worth in a foreign economy. Economies are too complex.
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Let's take a look at my haircut. How much does a haircut cost in America (in USD)? How much do you think this one cost (in USD)? Before subtracting the discounts that I receive from Kayleigh (wink wink), my haircuts in the US typically cost between 10-15 USD. Well this haircut cost 4 yuan. Let's consider how this haircut translates into USD by various exchange rates.
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(A) If we use the Bo Model of exchange rate where one USD has the same purchasing power in America as the purchasing power of one RMB Yuan in China, a haircut in the US that costs 15 USD should cost 15 yuan in China. Well, this one cost 4 yuan. So here is an error in the model... but in this case the error overestimated the cost, which means that it underestimated the standard of living I would enjoy with my Chinese salary... US salary to Chinese salary, it means I am roughly 4 times as "rich" as a first year teacher in the US.
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(B) If we plug the 4 yuan cost into the official exchange rate, we're looking at a 60 cent haircut. Can you imagine paying 60 cents for a haircut?!?!?! That's cheap!
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But both exchange rates fail to capture the true complexity of the difference between the Chinese and the American economies. Case in point, let's take a look at Sprite. I like to drink Sprite. In the US, a bottle of Sprite from the vending machine costs about 1 USD. In China, there are bottles of Sprite sold at similar volumes. They cost roughly 3 yuan (bargaining down from the 3.5 yuan price that the clerk may initially ask).
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(A) By the Bo Model, a roughly equivalent volume of Sprite costing 1 USD in America should cost 1 Yuan in China. Well, as you can see, it costs three times as much. My standard of living is only a little better than that of a first year teacher from this perspective.
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(B) According to the official exchange rate, the bottle of Sprite costs about 45 cents. That's pretty cheap!
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Which exchange rate is more reliable? The errors of the Bo Model are obvious. But if you average the two prices, they wash themselves out in balance. According to the Bo Model, a haircut is about 1/3 the predicted price and Sprite is about 3 times the predicted price. If I only consumed haircuts, then I would be a very very rich man! If I only consumed Sprite, then I would find living a bit more difficult. If I consume both, his 1 to 1 ratio is reliable. And indeed there are many things for which the Bo Model is directly reliable. A hearty bowl of noodles here costs about 5 yuan. Well, a hearty bowl of noodles in the US would cost about 5 USD. So, as I said, in general, the Bo Model is pretty accurate.
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What about the official exchange rate? The problem with the official exchange rate is that it makes expensive things seem cheap. It is useful for tourists who will bring their valuable USD to China and then leave. But it is altogether misleading for people living in China earning RMB. If I think of Sprite as 45 cent Sprite, I might consume a lot of it... at 3 yuan, which is a much higher fraction of my salary than the 45 cents of an American salary. I could conceivably blow my entire month's salary on Sprite.
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Thus I think it is useful to add a third exchange rate to put everything into perspective. Consider how the price of one good/service compares to the price of another good/services. In this way, you will most clearly see how different the economy of China is from the economy of America.
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One haircut costs 4 yuan; one bottle of sprite costs 3 yuan... thus a haircut costs about the same as a bottle of Sprite in China. Can you imagine a bottle of Sprite costing the same as a haircut in America! And a two-liter bottle of Sprite costs 7.5 yuan. Can you imagine a two-liter bottle of Sprite being two times as expensive as a haircut?!
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In the "after" picture of this entry, you see my brand-spankin' new sweater. This sweater cost me exactly 40 yuan. Can you imagine a sweater being 10 times as expensive as a haircut? Or a sweater being only 5 times as expensive as a two-liter bottle of Sprite (my God! that's a 6 dollar sweater!... or is it?) ????
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I argue that this third exchange rate--comparing the price of one good to the price of other goods in the same economy with the same currency--is the most reliable and necessary for survival. The supply, demand, and utility of the resources of China are just too different from the supply, demand, and utility of the resources in America. The costs of labor, training, and rent for hair stylists is different from America, so the prices will be different. This sweater from China may seems cheaper but also may fall apart after one washing. It's different. Everything is different. I need to forget about the official exchange rate. I need to forget about American prices altogether. I need to think comparatively. And I need to think with a little perspective. If 5 bottles of Sprite buys one sweater, I need to buy less Sprite and more sweaters. And I can afford to have a haircut every month if I want one!
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Learning the value of the money in your new home involves a learning curve that is a bit steeper than the grade of either the Bo Model or the official exchange rate.

The English Inquisition

The English Inquisition



[lightbulb casting intense light, fierce heat, and menacing shadows across the room]


"Tell me your name..."


"And now, let's have a look at your English...."


[inquisition begins]




The Examination Culture: an Introduction to Inquisition

The Exam. It deserves its capital "E" in China. Exams are everything. If Beijing is the capital of China, then Exams are the capital of education in China. And the University Entrance Exam is the Forbidden City. All faces turn toward Exam.

In design, Exams are intended as a tool to measure learning outcomes. Here, this design has been warped into Frankenstein's monster--in the schools of China learning is a tool to achieve Exam outcomes (good grades). There's a significant difference between testing what I have learned and learning so that I can test. Although they both involve learning, is the quality of learning the same? Do these two different means reach the same end?

My guess is no, but in truth this is work better left for specialists in educational research. These questions warrant careful, disciplined study. I will share, however, a few observations:

1) The students do seem to be very knowledgeable. Their advanced knowledge of math and science have even been expressed and demonstrated through English conversations. Compared to American students, the knowledge (especially in math and science) seems to be better.
2) Some of the knowledge seems pointless though. They constantly cite random facts and numbers (Mount Everest is such-n-such kilometers in altitude... and they quote this number down to the precise single digit!). And these random facts are not so random--they seem to ALL know them. I don't know how many times various students have told me how high Mount Everest is!
3) Higher level learning seems to be lacking. The social studies in general and history in particular are particularly concerning. While some students can remember names, dates, and places, few can think analytically about the historical events that they have studied. I doubt they have had any exposure to anaylsis and evaluation in these courses. And if there is no higher level learning, what on earth do they do in economics and sociology (grade1 students have these classes once a week). I want to know how they study the social studies!!! (I already have a hint though... I drew a supply-and-demand diagram... the students had never seen anything like it... come on now, what are they studying in economics?!?!?!?!?!?!)
4) Some students use the Exam to decide not to even attempt certain learning outcomes. I encounter this everyday. Since oral English is nowhere on the exam, there are those who don't even try. They sit in the back... trying to sleep, trying to work on other homework, trying to play games on their phone... and now that I have taken all these options away, they just stare blankly like George Romero's zombies. The rest of the class is laughing and excited, and they just sit there sad, maybe a little angry, and dull. They tingbudong, and they're going to tingbudong for the rest of their lives with that attitude. Misguided by Exam.





My Own Inquisition

I told you in a previous post ("Sports Meeting") that students recently took mid-terms. Well the results are in, and they're not good. Students' English scores were particularly bad. This bad news is coupled with some other news (I discovered secretly), that last year this school underperformed on the University Entrance Exam. Whereas HuaiYa High School typically sends 4 to 6 students to Beida/Qinghua (the top universities of China) each year, last year not one student qualified for either of these plums. Apparently it was quite an embarrassment, and much pressure has been subsequently added (one administrator was demoted and teachers have been categorically blamed and pressed to work harder). So now, with these dismall mid-term exam scores, I wonder. Will there be an English Inquisition?

My nature is to immediately heap all the blame onto myself. I'm always ready to be my own judge, jury, and executioner. I also worry, though, what will the other teachers think of me. Will they blame me too? Will they think I'm not doing my job very well? 3 years from now when perhaps none of my students qualify to attend BeiDa, will they all look back and blame that "bad foreign English teacher!"

But then I snap out of it. Here at HuaiYa High School, I am the only one who inquires. None of the teachers or administrators even told me about the mid-term Exam results. I found out about the poor scores from asking my own students. I later asked one of the senior English teachers and he acknowledged the poor scores. And then when I asked if there was anything I could do to help the students improve, he laughed... said it had nothing to do with me. Do I have any responsibility at all?! (I guess he might be right though, when you consider that I teach oral English--which is not assessed--to students only one time a week, my responsibility is rather small). If the students do poorly, no one will fault me. If the students do well, no one will credit me. Makes my Inquisition quick, painless, and.... empty. So I continue to self-inquire... what can I do to improve the students' English?

What explains the students' poor English scores? After the teacher told me that I am not even in the equation, he then told me that the poor results were the fault of the test. "This time the questions were difficult, so the scores were poor. Next time the questions will be easier, so the scores will be better. It's nothing."

Now, it's time to revisit some of the content from my ETR 492 class. Here is my thought: in a culture with such a strong emphasis on Exams, wouldn't you think the exams should be meaningful? In ETR 492 language, these Exams should ideally be reliable and valid. We teachers need to know that the questions on the Exam produce consistent interpretations about what the students have learned.

I asked a student how he did on the mid-term. Like the others, he did poorly. His writing was really bad. Then I asked him how he did on the Shaanxi Provincial Exam (which grade1 and grade2 students took not more than a week later). On this exam he did really well. His writing was excellent. What in the Hell is going on here?!

Well, I guess if the questions vary as wildly between easy and difficult as the teacher mentioned above suggests, this might explain the discrepancy. But then there is the cheating. I had a hunch about his. My Spidey senses...activated by the quirky smile on the student's face... were buzzing. I asked the student,

me: "How many teachers monitored the Shaanxi Provincial Exam.
Student: "None,of course"
me: "But the mid-terms were monitored by 4 teachers."
Student: "Yes"
me: "So... then... some students might cheat during the Shaanxi Provincial Exam."
Student: " Oh yes, of course, we all cheat!"

Hmmmm, if this dim-witted foreigner from Boone County could suspect such an outcome, I am certain that every last teacher is aware what happens during the exam too. This is sanctioned cheating.

But the school is only cheating itself. Presumably the school doesn't want to risk the gamble that serious performance issues might be revealed from the exam. They might lose face. So they forfeit the Shaanxi Exam as an assessment tool that can reveal such issues... that can target areas for long-term improvement and face-building. A farce Exam.





The English Inquisition

Although I am living in a pressure-free universe, my other teachers are not. With each poor performance, they are given scoldings and more responsibilities. On that trend, last week the school held an "English Contest." The English teachers had to compose and deliver a free-topic speech and respond to one of an assortment of questions that I posed. I and two representatives from the Mei County Bureau of Education English Department were the judges. They called it a "contest" to make it sound fun.

There's not much to report here. The English teachers at HuaiYa High School have very good English. I understand them, and they understand me. They all did very well.

One interesting note: scoring. How do I score these teachers? What are the criteria by which I should evaluate them? I asked the organizer of the event, but he had initially had no suggestions. He said that because English is my mothertongue I can just give them scores! No sir, I need a rubric! So I made my own rubric. Initially my rubric consisted of three criteria: (1) fluency of speech evaluated on a scale of 0-4, (2) accuracy in grammar and word choice evaluated on a scale of 0-4, and (3) directness in answering the questions evaluated on a scale of 0-2. They would get a score from 0-10.

Minutes before the contest, he approached me to ask if I had decided how to evaluate the teachers. Informing him that I had, he then told me what he thought my rubric should be. He had two criteria: pronounciation and fluency. Interesting. I missed pronounciation, and he missed accuracy. Both are important! I changed my rubric.

Even more interesting, he told me that I had to evaluate the teachers on a scale from 9.0 to 10.0 out of 10. So if a teacher scores no points, her score would be 9. A person could speak not one word of English; I would have to give them a 9.0 out of 10. Think about it. It's really the same exact scale as 0-10. That zero hiding behind the decimal isn't really hiding if you confront its meaning! The interpretation is the same. But the guaranteed, meaningless 9 in front of the decimal and the number that truly matter helps save face. Very interesting!

In the end, even my revised rubric with 4 criteria was not detailed enough. I ended up giving everyone scores between 9.7 and 10.o. So many 9.9s! It doesn't reflect the range of proficiencies. But truly, their English was collectively very good. Now we know that. And the English Inquisition is over.

What we don't know are all the important things. Do they teach English well? Do I teach English well? What can we do to improve? Do we even know what needs improvement?!

Internet Winter

INTERNET WINTER


How long has it been since I last posted? 10 days? not sure. Welcome to internet winter.

The blizzard began over a week ago. Yahoo! and Facebook began loading with extra delays, first in the afternoons and then even at night. And then just one morning--the fury of the storm consumed everything--whiteout. No internet.

When the internet is gone, you realize how much you rely on it. And you realize how much you take it for granted. For the last month and a half, the internet has been good. At nights, you could definitely call it high-speed internet. You could even surf the internet in the afternoons if you were prepared to wait a few extra seconds for everything to load. I had grown accustomed to the speed... and I was enjoying it...

Which makes the current storm all the more difficult to tolerate. The internet has returned, but it is as slow as if it is still gone. And it is wired with bugs and glitches--like patches of ice lurking on the highways intent on sending you into the ditch. With all the patience I can muster, I go through the ropes: waiting 10 minutes for the Yahoo! homepage to load just so I can click the link to go to my email... another ten minutes... sign in... another 10 minutes... click on a new message... another 10 minutes... and then I am almost there when the Internet tells me there is an error and shuts the whole operation down. Welcome to the ditch

Blogging is another exercise in patient futility. I can type, but I cannot post pictures. It's the same story... wait, wait, wait for the pictures to load only for the internet to putter out... burying everything in the deep snowdrifts of cyberspace.

So I have two options. I can wait for Internet Summer. Nah, who knows when that will happen. And already there is such a backlog of things I need to do... emails I have to write... emails I have to respond to... topics I want to post. Well, I'm going to burn the midnight oil to get some of this work done. Maybe winter madness is calmer then...

Side story 1: The Google Survivor

When the internet winter snowstorms are at their worst, nothing works. Except Google. If there is even the slightest connection between my computer and the network, Google will be there. And it still loads quickly even when nothing else loads at all. It is my beacon in the storm.

I always wondered, "Why does Google have such a simple homepage... shouldn't it be animated and detailed like Yahoo! ?" "How can Google even compete for scraps muchless be this net giant with such an empty homepage?" Now I know the answer. Simplicity sells! People just want to search. Who needs all that extra junk?! And in parts of the world where internet connections are unstable or overburdened, simplicity draws the line between accessible and inaccessible. Google wins.

Side story 2: The Real Winter
The real winter may not have officially arrived yet--as per the requirements of the calender--but it is here! It feels like it has been here since September. Cold, but I'm surviving. More on that in a future post.